What does it really mean to be happy?

I am currently obsessing about Leona Lewis' song Happy so I am gonna do a little bit of commenting/ranting after each verse. =P

"Happy"

[Verse 1:]
Someone once told me that you have to choose
What you win or lose
You can't have everything
Don't you take chances
Might feel the pain
Don't you love in vain
Cause love won't set you free
I can't stand by the side
And watch this life pass me by
So unhappy
But safe as could be

-- This verse tells me that you really have no control on who you'd fall in love with. There comes a time when choosing whether that person still makes you happy or just hurts you consciously or unconsciously, maybe both. When she said taking chances will give you pain, I just could not agree more! I mean, there's always the possibility of getting rejected, right? And if you so stupidly fall in love with someone who cannot reciprocate your feelings, you are gonna have to let go IMMEDIATELY because there's no way you can avoid being hurt. If you do this, then you are giving yourself another chance at maybe meeting someone else although the sting will stay for a while. Like she said, you are safe from even more pain but a little bit unhappy. 

[Chorus:]
So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
Cause i'm just trying to be happy, yeah
Just wanna be happy, yeah

-- Here, the chorus basically tells us that, yes, there's always that lingering pain but it will eventually go away. After a heartbreak, don't you just wanna find yourself before starting over again? That's what I did when I went away for six months although I wasn't heartbroken then, I just wanted to start fresh with my life.  

[Verse 2:]
Holding on tightly
Just can't let it go
Just trying to play my role
Slowly disappear, ohh
But all these days, they feel like they're the same
Just different faces, different names
Get me out of here
I can't stand by your side, ohh no
And watch this life pass me by, pass me by

-- When you are hurt, you are hurt! There's no way around it because your feelings, no matter how hard you hide it, will come out of the surface. It's normal for this to happen because you are only human and imperfect. It's just sometimes, pain can be carried over to the next, say, relationship or a potential one. Your guard will be up all the time and trusting someone is harder this time around, which is, again, perfectly normal. 

[Chorus:]

So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
Cause i'm just trying to be happy, ohh, happy, ohh

[Bridge:]
So any turns that I can't see,
like I'm a stranger on this road
But don't say victim
Don't say anything

-- You are not a victim until you let yourself become one! Moving on step by step and little by little each day will get  you there no matter how long it takes. Happiness as it the end of the tunnel. Make you way there! 
[Chorus:]
So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
[Outro:]
I just wanna be happy
Ohh, yeah, happy, ohh, happy
I just wanna be, ohh
I just wanna be happy
Ohh, happy

Well, I have no clue what to say anymore. I will take that as a means of being able to release what's been bugging me. Aaaaaaahhhh now I can breathe a little bit better! =)

I have to go to my other lab now to nerd out and space out. Toodles!

Another Year, Another Chance

Hola, people! So, my junior is now officially over! *Applause* But hold on, do I really deserve that? This year has just been the nightmare of all nightmares for me. I have slid down the slippery slope of maintaining my grades. Fall semester was a defeat, and spring semester, well, I managed to pick myself up a little. As long as it is an upward trend, it's gonna be better and better, right? I'd like to believe that and say, "I am closer to my goal today, than yesterday." However, I am not yet done. I still have a summer and a year left to take on this battle of getting into medical school. I know I will get there but not right after graduation. I decided I'll get my M.A. in Medical Sciences first to give me the edge that I lack. From there, I'd take it step-by-step to get where I want to be. It's never been easy for me, but I work hard and I know I deserve many more chances. This summer, I have 3 classes: Homeostasis, Cell Bio (again), and Ecology and Evolution. I need to get straight A's and I will! I also have 2 lab jobs, which will keep the balance. I know I never really talk about going out, but I think that is because I am not the type to actually go out and party. There's nothing wrong with partying, I am just not much of a party person. I might start going to some, though. I find it sad that I don't go out and still my grades are not awesome. Some people party hard and they get awesome grades. I think that's the key! I am not talking about intoxication as key, BUT BALANCE. Balance is the key.

This is just a short post. But I'll keep updating for the sake of my sanity. I need a release. <3

When the going gets tough... Culinary school may be the anwswer?

Hello! Every time I'd write a post I always say 'hello' but really, who's reading my blog? Anyhow, I am here to give you an update of the positives and negatives. Yes. Be ready. I am in a rollercoaster mood lately although I can still say that I am definitely NOT a drama queen, which is an achievement, right? Haha! Alright, let's get down to business here.

I don't exactly know how long has it been since my last entry but I am sure a lot has happened since then. I have had exams here and there, I was hired at a new lab, and maybe some progress on my social life. The exams, well, let's just say haven't been too easy on me. I don't know why but it seems that I have left parts of my brain across Europe and that my study habits have changed... If in the past I was able to sleep later to study more and then wake up earlier to do a little bit more, now, I would study until my eyes feel sleepy and then I'd go to sleep and wake up when my body does. I have to change this stupid habit or I will not survive medical school-- that is if I even get there. So far I am doing great in my genetics, psychology, and classics class. I am doing alright in organic chemistry and a little dismal in cell biology. Actually, today I had my 3rd exam for cell bio, and I guess it's easier to say that that exam made me his 'female dog.' Yeah, I don't feel like saying the B word. Lately, because of this class, I thought about just quitting now and going to culinary school. I am a good cook and an even better baker. I have cousins that are pastry chefs and it's in my blood to know how to cook well. I was taught at an early age although the application of it didn't really happen until two years ago. I have a lot of people tell me that they love everything I bake, which makes me really happy. I thought if I just loved and wanted to be a baker ever since, then I'd be happier and content right now. At least that is not something that would require me to think of how yeasts function. I just need to know how much yeast I have to put to make my bread rise. Right? I guess life ain't that simple! I remember having this conversation with my mother. I told her, "Mom. If I quit now and just go to culinary school. Never mind medical school. Would you get mad at me?" She said she won't but then I'd probably just hate myself for being a retard and a quitter. To tell you the truth, she's always so right about me. Yes. I will hate myself if I actually did that. I would always have the demeaning questions of why I stopped fighting for the one thing I want to be passionate about. The one thing that would have never given up on me unless I did. In circumstances like these, only my mother would be there to slap me back to reality and give me another fighting chance. After the exam today, although I felt defeated for the 3rd time, I gave myself another chance and said, "Hey, Andrea! Instead of crying and feeling sorry for yourself, why don't you bake yourself something great and then study for another class. In that way, your belly is happy, your brain is serotonin stimulated, making you less moody, and it's one less homework you have to worry about." I finished my genetics homework and read for my classics class. I washed all the dishes in the sink and I am now writing on my blog! Ah, I feel better now. Okay, I have nothing much to say about the new lab yet except the fact that I will be getting paid. Yey for earning money again! Little money makes a difference because that means more coffee. Haha!!! Yeah, a cup of Joe makes me smile. =)

Social life... I am not sure if at this point it exists, but I think I interact with people enough that I can call that being social. AND IN THIS I AM NOT ALONE! So many of us undegrads are worried about the MCAT, AMCAS, GRE, DAT, and other applications for the real world. We are all just trying to survive this semester, which has a little less than a month left! Hooray! We are almost there, people! Hold on and let's keep our heads up! One thing that has kept my sanity is praying. I pray every night and when I wake up that God would continue to guide me and bless me day by day. I go to church every Sunday and pray some more. There's never an enough prayer because the challenges given to me are consistently coming. No. Pouring. They are pouring. But then again, it is only making me a stronger person. I think all of us could agree on that. Thank God for sending that one person who gave me back what I lost for a long time. That person who gave me back my faith, my belief, and my hope for better things. If he is reading this blog post, if you are reading this post, I know I never tell you much about how I feel towards you, but just to let you know, you've made so much impact in my life and I thank you for that. I've changed so much since you came to my life and I think all of the changes are great. I do not know how to tell you these feelings I have, but in if it is in His will, then it's just gonna happen. Everytime I thank Him for sending you my way. Now, I just need you to look. Aww, shucks, now I feel a little weird. I just confessed online. Haha! Well, I am half hoping you won't see this, and then again half hoping you would. Whatever happens... =)


Alright. So much for a blog entry! Haha! See you next time!

Over Toast and Tea

A new blog. A new beginning to my story. What could this mean? Yes. A new place to vent my happiness, sadness, frustration, and just whatever else that comes to mind. I have not written so much about me in the past few months because of overwhelming school-work but now that I have time, occasionally, I will be able to write. Just a few updates here and there, not that it matters to you anyway. So, where shall I begin? Ah, yes, I can start with how it feels to be back from Spain for over 6 months now. In my other blog, I never quite finished writing my supposed last post about my beloved España simply because I did not want it to end. I know, cliffhanger over here! There was just so much to write and the more I write about it, the more it slips from my memory. It sounds like the opposite of what is supposed to happen when you write, you know, the 'let it flow' concept, but to me, what happens is the moments I cherish the most must be contained in me or it will not feel like it did happen. You may or may not get what I am saying, so, apologies. Alright, I have pre-blabbed enough. Let's move onto the real blab.

I came back on the third week of July '11, just in time for my 21st birthday. I was missing Spain so much that it was all I could talk about. How much I would give just to have the chance to jump on a plane and be back where I felt carefree, stress-free, worry-free, and full of life. It's not that I am saying Chicago is such a drab but the feeling when you are somewhere else new, with people that you have only met but made a bond with right away, is just entirely different. I came back for my family and closest friends. If it were not for them, I would have said, "¡Adiós, Norte Ameríca!" However, in a not so perfect world of mine, family and friends were not the only ones left behind; I also had school to take care of. See, I want to be a pediatric brain surgeon. A very specific endeavor, which only allows me to have a little bit of free time and lots of hard work to do. Now, now, before I even get to that part, I have 4 years, or in my case, 5 years of undergraduate work. Last semester proved to be the toughest semester yet. My blunders were not limited to just one class, but to all of them to be exact. A class dropped for another class, a class that was so easy I never cared but then backfired at me, and class that was easy enough to get an A but I still managed to mess up and get a B. What the heck happened, you might ask? Well, my reason was I had a hard time because my head kept floating in lectures, dreaming of sunny Spain, chocolate croissants, and sangría with free tapas. I was in Spain for 6 months, and before that, I had almost 2 months of winter break, and a month of summer. In total, my science-oriented brain was idle for almost 9 months and only functioning to understand the beautiful Spanish language, history, architecture, and people. I had a class concerning the Mediterranean ecosystem but what we did in that class was hike mountains, go to dry lands, and measure oak and pine trees. Not much of the good old thermodynamics in chemistry, or the IUPAC naming of molecules, or Ca+ cascades causing Rigor mortis, or the importance of how Drosophila melanogaster inherits white eyes from parents with red eyes. In short, I had no clue of how much I put on my plate last semester that they all came falling from a gaping hole in the middle. I even attempted to do research! That was a fail too... Oh, what have I done? I ruined my GPA and the chance of getting out of undergrad a semester early.

Now, this semester, I am trying to pick myself up. No more mess ups, no more games, no more excuses. I gave myself an ultimatum to improve or think about becoming something else other than a brain surgeon. I thought of joining the Air Force to be a pilot but it's pretty late now for me. My vision is bad and I need to basically start over. I also thought about being a pastry chef but then I only want to bake for people that are special to me. So, back to square one, I have to get over my missing of Spain and everything awesome. In an hour I'll be heading to the library to study for my Tuesday organic chemistry exam. It's not much of an excitement but trust me, I am going to destroy this exam. I will destroy it so bad that the satisfaction on my face wont be erased until I have to take the next one. My cell biology and genetics exams are coming up as well. Those must be destroyed too.

Alright. I have pre-blabbed, blabbed, and now we must do a post blab. Ready?

So... In another realm, I thought I had a life. I do have friends that I usually hangout with. My best friend Nienke transferred to another university for a semester and decided to come back. Yey to that! I have also been seeing my godson more often than before. He grows every time I see him! My little baby godson. I l♥ve him so much! I take so many pictures of him that I will let him see once he grows older.He takes away my stress every time I see him. If God blesses me with a child like him in the future, I will be so grateful. But then again, I don't even have a special someone at the moment. There is someone I think has the potential to be that person but I would just rather have him as a friend for now. It's nice to have him around and I am content with that. Don't even tell me that contentment is different from being happy. I am happy though I could be happier. To tell you the truth, I have, for the longest time, questioned my faith, but he gave it back to me. This person showed me how to get back to Him. I used to not go to church on Sundays with the excuse that I really don't care for the priest preaching to me. Now, I go even if I have to go by myself. I feel the solemnity and peace when I go to church. I pray to Him and I know He is listening. =)



Alright! I've got so many things to do and I've lingered here enough for today. Toodles!